We are pleased to share an article entitled “Joy Q&A ~ How “real” people define joy, what gets in the way, and how coaches can help unlock it” by Anike Wariebi.
Joy can be difficult to define, yet it profoundly shapes how we experience life. By exploring what joy really is – how it feels, how it gets blocked, and how it connects to gratitude, spirituality, and even suffering, coaches can partner with their clients to unlock more of it.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines joy as “a feeling of great happiness and a source or cause of great delight.” Merriam-Webster, on the other hand, takes the definition a little further, offering the following: “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.”
American psychologist Robert Plutchik, known for his influential “Wheel of Emotions,” considers joy one of the core human emotions. Unlike happiness – which he says can be a temporary reaction to a good situation – joy often arises from a deeper sense of connection and fulfillment, he says.
I was curious to see how these academic definitions align with what “real” people say about joy. To that end, I wrote to friends, family, coaching clients and colleagues and asked them about joy: what it is and how it feels, how it compares to happiness, how to get it, and what gets in the way.
Q. WHAT IS JOY, AND HOW DO YOU GET IT?
A. Interestingly, instead of defining joy, many of my respondents offered up descriptions of the feeling of joy, which I found much more insightful. Some spoke of feeling weightless and liberated; others described a profound peace – a total absence of fear or anxiety.
Many talked about a sense of fulfillment, as though they were inhabiting their true, authentic selves. Several described joy as feeling fully present and intentional, like standing on top of the world, like “nothing and nobody can rain on their parade.” Still others spoke of feeling a deep sense of gratitude combined with delight.
When asked what brings them joy, many respondents spoke about fulfilment at work, having a clear sense of purpose, and the satisfaction of achievement. Many highlighted the joy of connection – being with loved ones and the feeling of being loved.
Service also featured high on the list – the deep satisfaction that comes with giving back to others. Others spoke of learning and curiosity, such as mastering new skills or exploring new ideas, as well as the joy of creativity and adventure – from making art to travelling, meeting new people and experiencing new things.
For many respondents, spirituality was a major source of joy – the connection to God, to a higher power and to nature. Many talked about how having faith and trusting something greater helped reduce anxiety and bring about a grounded inner peace.
Interestingly, for some respondents, suffering had deepened their capacity for joy. Living through illness, pain, political turmoil, military conflict or racial oppression had taught them to recognize and cherish moments of peace more fully. Many spoke of gratitude as a vital practice: learning to pause, notice, and appreciate even the smallest things.
Joy in this sense was described not as the absence of suffering, but something discovered through it, made possible by gratitude.
Q. IS JOY JUST ANOTHER WORD FOR HAPPINESS?
A. My respondents were clear that, although related, joy and happiness are different. Happiness tends to be a short-term emotion often resulting from external events. It is circumstantial, dependent on specific things going right.
Joy, however, is more internal and enduring; it permeates one’s entire being and is connected to who we are and what we value. For example, the satisfaction of knowing you’re making a meaningful impact at work brings joy, whereas getting a promotion makes you happy.
Q. HOW DOES JOY GET BLOCKED? WHAT GETS IN THE WAY?
A. Here again, my respondents were very expansive and clear, describing external forces and internal struggles that block their ability to feel joy. These fell into several categories;
- Work, Mundanity & Busyness: Unfulfilling work, overscheduled calendars, the monotony of routine and the relentless expectation to perform – whether imposed externally by society or family, or internally by themselves – can lead to overwhelm, killing joy.
- Internal Mindset Barriers: Unhealthy patterns of guilt, rumination, indecision, self-comparison or inertia cause cycles of worry and stagnation.
- Disconnection: Interpersonal conflicts and the weight of global strife have caused many to feel disconnected from meaning and from each other.
- Fear, Oppression & Injustice: Fear of racial oppression, political and economic inequities, and the looming threat of climate change have left many with persistent anxiety and a deep longing for belonging.
- Suffering & Health: Pain, illness or ongoing distress has caused some to narrow their focus to survival, leaving little room for joy.
Q. SO, WHAT ROLE CAN COACHING PLAY IN UNLOCKING JOY?
A. Coaches play a vital role in helping clients unlock joy. At the foundation, we help clients connect with what truly matters: their values, purpose and sources of fulfilment, and support them in developing strategies to reduce obstacles that get in the way.
We guide clients in creating a clear vision of a joyful life: What does it look like? How does it feel? What are they doing? And with this vision clearly defined, coaches help clients identify tangible actions they can take now to move closer to that life.
Some clients may need support in shifting their perspective about joy, overcoming limiting beliefs such as guilt, inadequacy, or feeling undeserving. By reframing challenges and quietening internal saboteur voices, for example, the thought: “I feel guilty when I spend time doing X instead of Y” – clients can experience profound transformation.
Others may need help creating meaningful space for joy in their daily lives – whether by prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries to protect joyful activities, or addressing toxic relationships that undermine their joy and well-being.
In each case, coaching provides guidance, support and accountability, helping clients move from longing for joy to actively living it.
Joy involves an element of choice – we can actively cultivate it through the decisions we make. We can reframe challenges, set boundaries and limit exposure to people and situations that diminish our joy. As coaches, we guide clients toward this space of choice, helping them align their actions with who they are, who they want to be, and the vision of joy they hope to create.
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