We are pleased to share an article entitled “Humor in Coaching” by Jonathan Passmore and Peter Hayward.
Humor is not a trivial human luxury; it is one of the oldest and most deeply social forms of communication. Evolutionary psychology suggests that laughter serves to strengthen social bonds, relieve tension and signal safety within groups. As a result, it’s found in all human cultures and societies, from First Nation Australians and Americans and to current nation Americans, Russians and Chinese. It is part of our biological and relational inheritance. Humor is something we share, interestingly, with chimpanzees and other great apes, but in humans it has taken on more complex social roles.
Humor allows us to manage awkwardness, foster inclusion and build trust. Studies have long shown that people with a sense of humor are perceived as more trustworthy, empathetic and attractive companions. In coaching, these qualities are not incidental: they form the emotional foundation of a working alliance.
AI, in contrast, may be able to simulate humor through language generation or mimicry. Ask Chat-GPT for a joke and it can share one. Here is an example:
An AI algorithm walked into a bar. The barman asked, “What are you having?”. The AI looked around the bar and said “I’ll have whatever body else is having”.
This example both typifies what AI does, that is mimic human behaviour and speech and also it highlights the difference between AI humor and human. Human humor is embodied with the relational dance. Human humor emerges from shared context, subtle timing and mutual recognition. These are aspects which an algorithm finds hard to fully replicate.
In our recently published paper (Passmore and Hayward, 2025) we examined human humor as a differentiate. How can we as coaches separate ourselves from the ever improving machines? Humor is a relational bridge that fosters warmth and trust between coach and client. When coaches laugh with clients, rather than at or about them, they signal humanity, vulnerability and presence.
As one participant in the study shared, “It allows us (the coach) to go deeper; we are really exploring who the person is.” Another coach, described humor as “a bonding element — if done correctly”. The laughter that arises in such moments is not about entertainment but about shared experience, a connection: “We connect by laughing together.”
In this sense, humor transforms a transactional exchange into a genuinely relational encounter. It can disarm formality, reduce client anxiety, and create a sense of shared ease. Importantly, it also conveys humility: when a coach is willing to laugh at themselves, they model openness and imperfection — qualities that invite reciprocal trust from clients.
If humor can build trust, its mistimed use can just as easily undermine it. The second theme in the study explores when humor is appropriate. Coaches were unanimous that timing depends on relationship depth and client readiness.
As one coach in the study cautioned; humor is “not when coaching someone for the first time, but when you have already developed trust.” Several participants described humor emerging naturally, once a safe, authentic connection had formed.
Humor, then, is not a technique to be deployed. It’s not a joke, written in advance, which can be delivered. Or even a standard line that can be used with every client or every session three. Instead, humor is a response to relational connection. It arises in the “here and now” when both coach and client feel psychologically safe. It’s like a provocative coaching questions, humor lands best when it emerges organically from the conversation rather than being inserted artificially, having been planned in advance.
Used sensitively, humor can be a powerful cognitive and emotional catalyst. It can help clients view problems from a different angle, loosen rigid thinking, and generate fresh insights during awkward moments during a session.
Several coaches described humor as helping clients “look at the lighter side of the story” or “lift up and see things in a different way.” More importantly highly skilled coaches use humor to overcome moments of ‘stuckness’. The lightness that laughter brings stimulates greater cognitive flexibility in the client, helping them break free from that ties that appear to ground them.
This finding echoes wider psychological research showing that humor promotes creative problem-solving and enhances learning. As one coach reflected, “You learn better when you are laughing.” By engaging emotion, humor can also enhance memory retention, helping clients to be able to return to that moment of insight or commitment, helped by the emotion which was triggered at that moment.
In emotionally charged coaching conversations, humor can diffuse tension and restore balance. Coaches compared it to “a glass of wine”; something that helps the client loosen up and relax as they explore complex or sensitive issues.
This does not mean trivialising the client’s issues. Rather, it means using lightness to create psychological space, allowing clients to move forward from feeling overwhelm to curiosity.
Humor can also help coaches themselves manage energy and emotional load. Several participants noted that laughter restores their own engagement during intense sessions: “It jiggles everything and wakes you up”. In this way, humor serves a dual purpose in that it benefits both the coach and the client, replenishing emotional resources and keeping the conversation human.
Alongside all these benefits humor carries risks for the coach, which may be why many coaches stay clear of using it. Poorly judged humor can appear flippant, defensive or even cruel. The coaches interviewed were acutely aware of this.
Empathy is the anchor. Without empathy, and being grounded in a positive relationship of equals, humor can misfire. It can sound crass, or even be experienced as bully, or when used by an older male coach in relationships with a female client as harassment or misogyny.
Cultural awareness also matters. What provokes laughter in one culture can cause offence in another. Coaches working across cultures should remain alert to differing humor styles and sensitivities, using curiosity rather than assumption about what might be funny. As what’s funny in France may be offensive to a Chinese manager.
Moderation is equally vital. Overuse of humor can derail, reflection or distract from deeper work. Like questions humor needs to serve a purpose. The coach needs to ask how will this intervention support in my service of the client and their aspirations for the session
Perhaps the most striking message from the study is that humor must be authentic to the coach’s personality. Forced humor rarely lands well. “If you have no sense of humor…..do not try this” one coach in the study noted.
Confidence and self-acceptance appear to be prerequisites. For new coaches who might have a lot going on in their heads, it may be better to focus on listening, and playing back summaries and open questions, but as these skills become automatic, humor can help enhance the work of the coach
Passmore and Hayward’s research arrives at a pivotal time. As AI coaching tools become increasingly capable of emulating human questioning techniques and reflective prompts, human coaches may need to reassert the relational depth that machines cannot reproduce.
Humor which is relational and situation, reflecting past shared moments or experience can help the coaching process. We have suggested humor can act as the ‘WD-40 of coaching’, a relational lubricant that unlocks difficult territory and deepens trust.
The future of coaching is not just about mastering digital tools, but about reclaiming the relational artistry that makes coaching distinctively human. In a world increasingly shaped by algorithms, being fully human should be our aim.
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