We are happy to share an article from our friend Raluca Gomeaja, founder and CEO of IMPACT2C, a company that scales your business and your life to the level of success you deserve and desire., titled Assumptions.
We all make them; we may even need them in absence of many information and yet so many times there are here just to block us.
We don’t know so we assume.
An assumption is something that we accept as the truth in the absence of evidence.
As long as those assumptions are objective, based on some factual information usually they could help us. To decide we need data, information. When we do not have enough data and information, we assume some missing parts, we imagine what could feel the empty spaces. The key being not to make it any worse than it is, nor to make it any better than it is.
When we assume something to be better than it is, usually there is a lot of risks and therefore some consequences. While some people deal easily with risk and even have an appetite for it, most people are a little more risk adverse.
When we assume something to be worse than it is, this is when the trouble starts. And most of us do this a lot, we do not know so we assume. We have no proof, but we convince ourselves is this way or that way.
Instead of accepting the unknown, and deal with whatever comes, we assume and that may have some important consequences. Sometimes those consequences are emotionally heavy, and they stay with us for long. We do not want to experience them again. Which is absolutely normal as in general all of us want to be happy, to have positive healing growing emotions, and overall we are not very comfortable with what we may call negative emotions, feelings of sadness, anger, frustration, desolation, disappointment, etc.
Because of that we will tend to avoid going into situations that may be too risky, risky in the sense of making us feel not so good. Fears start to become natural when in connection with specific actions, or decisions, and most of the time out of that fear we prefer not to go back there, not to experience again something unpleasant. And all that makes sense. It is understandable for a person who has suffered in the past to not want to suffer in the present or future. It is also normal for a person to associate some of the suffering with specific circumstances.
At the same time when we do those associations what may also happen is that we cut ourselves from new experiences.
We may have noticed when going back to a place we used to know that is no longer the same, or is not necessary the place that changed, most of the time is the emotional perception of that place that changed. Sure, it may still have some nostalgia and tenderness linked to it yet is no longer the wow place we have kept so close to us in our memory, is no longer giving us the same feeling. And we accept that with kindness.
In the same way when we suffered from something, some may have been afraid of some animals or specific dark places as a child and going back to them we just smile. How could I be afraid of this? We all have those examples. Most of the time that specific dark place did not change, yet it is us as a person who changed. We grew up. Therefore, we cannot experience the same thing.
Yet sometime we keep ourselves in those fears for years. Afraid of even going back and just check on how real that place was, how dangerous that place was and what we were afraid of.
And all that makes sense, because some emotions have their own memory; something hurt us as a child and we never have the courage to go back to check it.
The other day I was at the swimming pool with a dear friend. And while she really enjoys water, she is afraid of it when she cannot touch ground. She was kindly sharing with me an episode from when she was a child and some kids as a joke pushed her in the water. And she was afraid of dying. It must have been a violent experience and it is understandable for her to feel terrified as a child of dying from that experience, and by the way she could have died. And even if now as an adult she realized: 1. She did not die. And 2. she enjoys water and her fear may keep her from a much more enjoyable experience at the pool, her brain is automatically bringing back that experience, in order to protect her.
We all had some experiences in our past, it can be fear of water, or anything that affected us as a child or even later during our life.
Although these are easy examples to connect with, some of them become very personal, we identify with that past and keep us from exploring life, love, success from a different level.
In the definition of internal blockers, according to IPEC, an assumption means “because something happen in the past it will repeat exactly in the same in the future”.
And when that touches something like love or friendship relations, it can not only have a traumatic effect it is also very much keeping us from even trying again, and have that amazing, fulfilling and real-life experience. When we look from an objective angle like it was someone else’s experience, we can easily see the patterns. Yet from inside it does feel completely different, and our pain is bigger each time we try. Like when we had a partner who cheated, or a friend who took advantage on us… we are afraid to trust again for example. And eventually we stop trying, we convince ourselves we are not made for relations, we do not deserve to be loved, and better stay away from it. “I’m better by myself.”
The truth is we are growing every day. And despite our past, here we are.
We all have our past, and we all have our own internal blockers. They are deep, and with us from long time ago. It makes sense to feel them as an absolute reality and be afraid of trying again.
Yet our past it is not a prediction of our future.
To move forward here are few steps you may want to try:
- Look into that past experience that is holding you back. What did you learn from it? What new skills you developed because of that pain or painful experience?
- Challenge yourself on it: what are the chances for my past to keep repeating? Why must it happen again?
- Get used and even become friend with failure. Yes you did have that terrifying experience, I do hear you. And you tried again and you probably failed again. So what? Now what? How long are you going to be afraid for? And try this simple phrase: “Though I tried and failed before, I know much more now, and I am perfectly capable of winning this time”
- It is easier to try new things when you are in a state of mind that is different. When coming from a victim energy what are the chances for you to succeed? Why not putting yourself in a different state? Changing your mindset when trying new things is one of the keys for different results. Decide that I have that choice of seeing myself as a victim or accepting that not everything is in my control, yet I can still enjoy today.
- Finally whatever the story you tell to yourself, and that is not working, why not telling yourself a different story. Your life is not over yet. Your story is not over yet. Instead of defining yourself by your past and foresee a future as a repetition of that past, why not use assumptions in a positive way that serves you. The future did not happen yet, so it cannot be true. Why not telling yourself a story that works better for you?
Overall, we are so much more than our past. We are here, alive, and have the power over today and tomorrow. The key question is where you want to go from here, and what story do you want to write…
How does it apply to you in your life?
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