We are pleased to share an article entitled “Aspiring Coaches NEED SUPPORT! ~ The future of coaching education is the well-being of the coach trainee“ written by Terri Hase.
Just as clients are confronted with difficult truths in coaching, so too are coaches in training as they learn to facilitate these transformations. The same skills that excavate a client’s obstacles will unearth aspiring coaches’ own issues as they learn to become a coach. This can be a gift, but it can also create some huge challenges that may result in many coaches not completing their training.
Because of this, coach training and education providers must expand student services to include greater levels of support, and in many cases, coaching.
When I first began my coach training in 2001, there was a moment that almost ended my coaching career before it started. I remember sitting on a bridge line and hearing these words from the instructor: “When you become a coach, all your relationships change. Your friends might go away, but new friends will appear. And, once you have ‘coaching friends,’ you’ll be ruined for all other types of friendships. Your close relationships will change, grow or end because you can’t help but change yourself and your life along the way.”
Intellectually, I knew this made sense, and it sounded good in a growth mindset framework. However, it struck a deep and almost unspeakable fear and hesitation at the core of my being.
You see, I had several close relationships and a few lifestyle habits that were out of alignment at the time, and the thought of that all coming to a head at once was paralyzing. My mind was on fire! I can’t begin to share every thought that came flooding through in that moment, but it sort of sounded like:
➜ “I can’t get a divorce right now; the kids are going to be devastated!”
➜ “I’m not making enough money to be self-sufficient yet. It’s going to be like pulling teeth to work out the finances.”
➜ “I hate it when we fight, and this is going to cause so much drama.”
➜ “Where will I live, how can I find an affordable place in the same school district?”
➜ “Who will take the dogs?”
➜ “How do I distance myself from the friends I know I should have let go of years back? This is going to be a mess…”
You get the picture.
Of course, in that moment my brain wasn’t breaking things down and calming itself back into a more realistic version of how things might go. It was in full-on terror and overwhelm.
I almost quit coaching right there. Not because I thought these things were “bad”; in fact, I knew some things would ultimately be great! It was because I didn’t think I could handle it all at once, and frankly, I didn’t want to endure the discomfort of it. Especially since, now that I was in coach training, there was a lot of new information, and it was coming at 100 miles an hour.
The evidence of my own challenges – which I deeply wanted to avoid – was in my face, jumping up and down, wearing glittery ribbons and shouting, “Hey, look at me!” So, much jumping and screaming … ugh.
And while my brain was doing mental gymnastics that day in class, the instructor and others on the call laughed knowingly and affirmed this statement with casual comments like: “Oh, yes, that’s so true” and “Yep, my whole life turned upside down when I started coaching” – which only amplified (rather than normalized) the turmoil I knew was pending.
Then class began, and we were learning about managing our client’s progress across multiple sessions and other related topics for the session. No further discussion was had about this atomic nugget of information that had been dropped into the middle of my day.
In fact, over the next 175 hours of training, the only time the changes about to hit me were mentioned were in practice coaching sessions with my largely brand-new peers (LOVE them, of course, but it wasn’t the most efficient way to deal with the matter, since we were all new to the party).
There was an occasional mention of the need to “get a coach” if you notice you’ve got a block or resistance to a concept or practice that was being shared. However, there were no check-ins to see how we were actually doing during the process.
This was a mistake. In my cohort, more than half the people never completed the main training program, and less than 25 percent graduated. And all of the non-grads that I was aware of didn’t finish due to their personal fears, challenges and un-coached limiting beliefs. Meaning no one dropped out because they discovered that coaching wasn’t for them, nor that the school program was impossible. Quite simply, they got squarely in their own way.
It turns out that over the decades since I was a newbie, I’ve had the chance to work with – and make friends with – several coach training program directors, and I’ve discovered that this still happens across the whole of the coaching profession. Many students drop out and never complete their training. (Not all schools have high numbers dropping out, but a large number of schools do have students in total overwhelm, and profession-wide, the number of students who never launch their business or never earn their full certification is higher than you’d think overall.)
In preparation for this article, I interviewed four students from four different training programs in four different countries. All four of them almost quit their coach training due to the challenge of handling their own life changes at the same time as trying to learn a new career and launch a business. They floundered trying to handle the duality of the transformation and the volume of disruption across the width of their lives.
This shouldn’t be a surprise. Coach training, for all the good that it brings, is also very confronting.
This mirror effect (learning about ourselves as we learn about others) catches many coach trainees off guard. Shadows surface, from common limiting beliefs to buried pain and everything in between. The process can be emotionally exhausting and mentally overwhelming. Facing your deepest struggles requires profound courage, and it also requires thoughtful support.
Unfortunately, most coach training programs are not designed for this level of personal excavation. Due to rigorous teaching standards (which are great!), most curricula focus on skills and techniques, and not the messy human unraveling that comes with practicing those techniques.
We can no longer fail to plan for, or discuss, the identity quakes, confidence crises and doubts that surface during coach training. Emerging coaches need allies in facing their inner world, beyond the scope of the fundamentals of learning to coach.
It’s time we more openly and universally address the mirror effect of becoming a coach. Students should be prepared for what may arise and given better access to coaches, mentors and counselors for support. Facilitators must be prepared to have compassionate conversations with their students. We must, as a profession, incorporate more direct discussion about the impact of coach training on the trainee, and not just their future clients.
Like major universities around the world, coaching education providers must incorporate more support for the mental well-being of our students.
Coaching is about holding space for truth-telling and growth. Let’s give the same gift to those learning this noble craft. With care, coaches-in-training can transform their beginning struggles into long-term successes.
Training providers: It’s time we build in a more universal expectation and standard for providing coaching and mentoring for our students while they experience the impact of doing their own work.
We must also build in and provide mental health first aid, and/or mental health referrals for our students struggling with the issues that might need extra attention and are surfaced by their participation in coach training.
Prospective students: It’s time to ask more about how you can be supported, nurtured and encouraged along the path of your coach training. Be ready to take accountability for yourself, but also know that you’re not alone.
Give the same grace and support for your fellow classmates as well. Understand that your peers are also unearthing their own issues, class by class, course by course. Be willing to talk and listen, coach and be coached. Together we are better!
Supporting coaches on a deeper level, and in more profound ways, is the future of coach education and training.
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